What is Love?

SensUal Joy

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At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of pro activity, a man came up to me and said,” Stephen, I like what you’re saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just didn’t her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?”

Love Program

“The feeling isn’t there anymore?” I asked.

“That’s right.” he reaffirmed. “And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?”

“Love her,” I replied.

Love Program

“I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.”

“Love her.”

“You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there anymore.”

Love Program

“Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”

“But how do you love when you don’t love?”

“My friend, love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They’re driven by feelings Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

Love Program

Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do, the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for.

Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.

– The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen R Covey)

More about Stephen R. Covey at

http://www.stephencovey.com/

This passage has left a deep impact on me. It is a beautiful paragraph. I feel humbled. Here we are always saying you don’t love me enough or you should love me this way. What is with all these “shoulds” and pointing fingers.

Everything we point the finger, 4 other fingers point back at ourselves. And we want to take love and not give. Because it is easier and safer. We end up coming from a place of fear. The best way to love yourself is to love those around you. Even if they are not coming from a place of love for now. That’s what I am thinking about right now…

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1% Girl,

Joy Leng